Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
