like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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