I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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