she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
