I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
