Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think my fart just growled at me.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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