Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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