Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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