Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
