saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
