Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
