Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize