i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
