Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
