Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I need water and some morals
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
