WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
