Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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