and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
