So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
