i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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