Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
