We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
