I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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