Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You are the jesus of drinking
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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