u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
