But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
