Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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