i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
