Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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