they need to just BURY HIM!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize