Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
