we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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