I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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