Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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