In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
