try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
