There was a lot of him and a little penis
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
