yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize