meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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