You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
