I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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