he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
