So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
