I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
