i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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