I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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