i don't like sucking hair
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
