Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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