Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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