Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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