O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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