I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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