i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
