I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
