ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize