At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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