I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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