I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
