My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize