I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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