So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
